A Day With the Family

This weekend, my brother came to town to hang out with the family.  Since my brother moved to Las Vegas, it's been a rare occasion that all the Soriano kids are together with mom.

Today, the Soriano family and Grandma went to go visit my Grandfather.  We bought some flowers and trimmed the grass around his headstone.  The last time the whole family was together to see my Grandfather, was when he was buried.  It's still painful to see my Grandma so sad, and she told us how she missed her husband.  I love her so much.

Although the visit brought back many memories, it was really nice to be with my family and my Grandma.  Afterwards, we went to get some boba tea and my Grandma made dinner - arroz caldo, a filipino dish.  It's a comfort food of mine and reminds of when I was in elementary school.  Instead of walking home, I'd go to my Grandma's place for dinner.  Her cooking is the best and makes me feel at home.

Blog 28 - Catharsis

I really can't think of a logical way to write this blog.  The past three weeks have been such an emotional roller-coaster and sorting through those feelings and memories is kind of difficult.  I really don't even know where to begin...  So, I'm just going to write this blog for catharsis.  I apologize for the unorganized structure.

When my grandfather passed on April 26th, my family and relatives were constantly together. We all spent the night at my grandparents house to... just be together and show support to one another.  Every night until my grandfather's burial, there was a vigil and lots of Filipino food to go around.  All the coming and going certainly helped give my grandmother, my mom, and aunts a distraction until the viewing/burial.

I was in charge of putting together our family's own video montage of my grandfather.



I had fun putting the video together, but it was also a very emotional little project.  I watched the video over and over for editing purposes that, at times, I almost felt emotionally detached.  I actually started to feel guilty.  The last thing I wanted to be was a robot or emotionless when we buried my grandfather.

I took three days off for bereavement, so I could be with my family during the Viewing (or Wake).  There was an overwhelming feeling of "togetherness" and family at Glenn Abbey Memorial.  Seeing my Grandfather in the casket was... just unreal.  As a Christian, we know that the body laying in the casket was no longer my grandfather... Just a shell...  We believe that he's somewhere in Heaven having a grand ol' time and eating whatever he wants...  It was incredibly emotional nonetheless.  Seeing my grandmother lean over the casket, stroking my grandfather's hair, crying, and saying goodbye was the most heart-wrenching moment of my life.  Thinking about my family and relatives in tears just makes... I don't know... It just breaks my heart and I want to break down and cry.

The first day of the Viewing, I was really afraid to approach the casket to see my grandfather.  It took me about an hour to muster up the courage to see him.  When I finally did, I really didn't know what to think.  I was just numb.  "This is my grandfather...  Wake up, grandpa!"  I didn't cry... Until I walked to the back of the mortuary to be with my family and maybe get something to eat.  My mom asked me, "Did you see your grandpa?" and.. that's when I grabbed my little sister and broke down...

On the last day of the Viewing before my mom closed the casket, we got to share a story about my Grandfather.  I think of myself as a decent speaker and didn't think that I would choke.  The first words out of my mouth were, "I want to tell you a st..." and I broke down again.  My grandfather was behind me and family in front... Almost everyone that went up to speak had to pause to gather their emotions.

The day of the burial, my cousins and I were the Pallbearers to bring my grandfather's casket into the church.  We had a wonderful service and headed to Glenn Abbey for the burial.  Along the way, we had three police escorts to make sure our funeral procession arrived at the same time.

My grandfather had a military ceremony done by the U.S. Navy.  At this point, I really thought I was "cried-out."  4 days of crying felt like enough... I couldn't possibly cry anymore than I have been.  At least until the Navy performed their 3-volley salute.  The gun shots hit me square in the chest (not literally) and when they played Taps... I had mixed emotions of pride and sadness.  My grandfather was such a great man.  A man full of integrity, humbleness, and love for his family.

We said our final good-bye's as he was lowered into the ground.

Our family has a tough time ahead...  I'm trying to spend a lot more time with them.  I am worried about my grandma... I know she's trying to keep herself busy by cooking and cleaning, but sometimes... I catch her with her hand to her face...

The loneliness must be so overwhelming.

My motivation with school and work have taken such a big hit.. And there are also other things going on in my own personal life.

Emotionally, I've been calling the past 3-weeks a "spectrum of overwhelming emotion" and a real "roller-coaster of emotion."  From sadness, depression, happiness, and pride to anger, frustration, loneliness, and hope.  It's just a lot...

Look to God.  Pray for comfort, strength, and wisdom.  That's what I'm hoping for... My family is there as well...

Anyway, that's all...  We love you Grandpa..

Blog 27 - Family and Friends

I'm writing this blog from the Raleigh-Durham airport in North Carolina...

It's only Wednesday, but it feels like I've been up for a week. My trip to North Carloina was short but sweet. I was supposed to be here till Friday, April 29th but I was struck with devastating family news and had to find a flight back to San Diego in a hurry.

I flew to North Carolina to meet some friends that I've known since 2007: Ed, Michele, and Michael.

I got into my hotel room in Durham, NC around 9:45am EST. I met up with my friend Michael at the hotel. We called up Ed and went over his and Michele's place. It was kind of awkward at first but comfortable at the same time. These are people I've talked to andplayed video games with for a long time. It waas was "strangely familiar."

Michele had to work, but the three of us went to have lunch at a pretty cool restaurant in Hillsborough. Culture shock definitely sit in: I was amazed at how slow everything ran. I don't mean that people were slow as in being inefficient or anything.. The pace of life was just so different. Everyone took their time to say hello, to see how you were doing, and all around... Wholesome and friendly. That's something very different from living in Southern California for the past 27ish years.

After lunch, we we this organic/natural shop called Co-Op to buy.. Lots and lots of beers. We were definitely going to drink it up that night. And we did... Maybe not in the original intention. We even got a bottle of mead just because it sounded medevil and cool. We also went to Walmart to get lots of meats to BBQ: hamburgers, steaks, and hot dogs.

I also got to meet Ed and Michele's three boys: John, Derrick, and Chris. Three really well mannered and intelligent kids. John is a very responsible kid. Working and going to school. Something that I am all to familiar with. Derrick was very well mannered and a huge MMO gamer. I was really taken by their youngest, Chris. Probably because he plays trumpet but more because of his level of intelligence. That little boy has a huge vocabulary for his age. Ed and Michele told us stories about how he gets picked on, but I have no doubt he will grow up to be one very intelligent and successful kid.

Around 9:15pm EST, I received a call from my mom that my grandpa collapsed and didn't have a pulse... He was rushed to the hospital and the whole family was on their way. I broke down. It ws really difficult to hear my mom crying over the phone. I could just hear her heart breaking... As was mine... Just this passed weekend my mom suggested that I help my grandpa in his garden he was starting... That was going to be one the first things I was going to prep for when I got back from my little trip.... I was going to buy hats, gloves, and gardening tools... I was looking forward to hearing more of my grandpa's stories.

I wish... I should've been around more often...

Anyways...

I really didn't want to make things "weird" around my friends... After all, it was the first time I was meeting them all in person and I didn't want to make people feel uncomfortable. I really hope i didnt.

Right away, everyone knew there was something wrong and Michele was the first person to ask me what was going on. I just started crying... My grandpa's health was something he's fought with for some time... I knew this day would come, but I was really hoping he would be around to see me graduate with my MBA. I knew he was proud of me, but... It was something I was really wishing and praying for.

The rest of the night was full of stories, drinking, and the occasional laughter. Michele and Ed shared a lot of stories about their families. And they gave me a lot of emotional support. If anything, I think this event kind of brought all of us a little bit closer. I dont necessarily like how everything turned out but I'm still very grateful that I got to meet them all. This definitely wont be the last time I will see them.

We just sat at table talking for hours... I mostly just listened and starred blankly at the table and my phone... But it was nice to have friends around to listen to. We eventually wrapped everything up around 2:30am.

This morning around 11:30ish... Michael and I had breakfast before he left to drive back home and me to the airport.

Now it's 2:31pm EST... My plane arrives in about an hour and I'll be back in San Diego around 9:15pm PST. I'm headed straight for my grandma's house where all my relatives and family are... I hope my grandma is doing okay...

What a crazy couple days it's been...

Day 6 - Welcome Home, Grandpa!

Whoa!  I almost missed a day...

Personally, today was pretty uneventful.  I had a chance to chat with Mark for a little while and get in an extra few hours of shut eye.  I stayed home all day except for a trip to the grocery store to pick up some necessities.

However, today is a GREAT day for my Grandpa!  I'm so happy that he was let go from the hospital and is back home with his loved ones.  I'm very thankful for that.  I'm also really happy that he might have a nurse that will come visit him to see how he's doing.

Anyway, short blog today.  Have a good night!

Day 1 - Happiness is a choice...

Why hello there again, blogger...

With the year 2010 coming to an end, it's a good time to reflect on everything that has happened.  2010 has definitely been a year of challenges, upsets, heart-ache, and plain ol' crap.  But it's also been a year of success, achievement, blessings, and a lot of positive events.  And that's what I want to start focusing on...  The positive stuff (quite the vocabulary, right?).  I'm generally a pretty lucky guy to be where I'm at for my age, and it's time I really start counting my blessings and maybe be just a little bit more (or a lot more) appreciative of everything that God has blessed me with.  Hopefully, I'll be able to spread the positive vibes and affect the people around me.  I like to see people happy, and it makes me feel even happier when I can affect someone in a positive way to maybe put a smile on their face.

So, today is the first of, hopefully, 365 blogs counting a positive experience or aspect of my life that occurred for each of the next 365 days...  That is quite the commitment considering I'm not an avid blogger.

Let's begin...

Today, I went to visit my grandfather in the hospital along with my mom, sister, cousin Alan, and aunt Tess.  My grandfather has had some health issues and became quite ill just before Christmas eve.  Without going into all the details, my family was pretty shaken up and Christmas day had a awkward and eerie feeling.  I could tell that everyone's thoughts were of my grandfather in the hospital.

I'm glad to report that my grandfather is doing a lot better and looking a lot more like himself.  I've been sick myself, so it took a few days before I could see him (even if it was at a distance).

My grandmother came up to me before she left and put her hand on my cheek and said, "I'm so glad that you could come and see your grandpa.  I love you, Carlos."  That meant so much to me.  Even if I didn't really realize it then... Really thinking about it helps me appreciate how much I really love my grandpa, grandma, and the rest of my family. 

Me and Grandpa at my cousin's wedding